Gratitude Journal

Dan was raised Catholic, and I was not. We agreed, early on in our relationship, that together we would straddle the Catholic/Protestant fence, also known as the Episcopal Church (admittedly, we haven’t settled on a specific parish just yet).

My childhood religious training was a blurry mix of Presbyterian, Evangelical and Baptist – basically, we moved a lot when I was a kid and my parents were less loyal to a particular denomination than to whatever church in the area felt like the best spiritual, communal fit. But it was all very, very Protestant. Lots of grace, mercy and synthesizer-laden, modern worship songs.

So I was introduced to the Catholic/Episcopalian (or Diet Catholic) style of old school, liturgical service and worship later in life, after my parents became members of the Episcopalian church when I was in high school. Even though I was still living at home, supposedly under their religious jurisdiction, I continued to attend to the Evangelical church that we had previously attended as a family; it was familiar, all my friends went there and it had a bigger youth program. I did, however, start visiting their new church more and more over time, usually after the service at my other church ended (Two church services in a row! Whoa, Christian gold star!). Slowly, I learned more about this Episcopal business, became comfortable with the very different format and before long was able to recite the standard liturgy like a pro, not cough up a lung during the burning of incense and had my first taste of wine during weekly(!) communion. It’s a good thing too, because without that exposure attending Catholic services for the first time with Dan years later would have been a lot more of a shock to my system.

All of this is a long lead up to explain: I know nothing about Lent. It’s not something We ever did (collective and capitalized, as in “We Protestants …”). I think some Episcopalians observe Lent, but others, I think, do not - emphasizing “I think” because I am ignorant and am basing this on my observations alone. I like the idea of Lent, from what I know about it, but isn't something I have a real spiritual foundation for. In the three years I’ve known Dan, he hasn’t ever kept Lent, but he’s also not really a practicing Catholic anymore so I never really expected it or paid any attention.

This year, however, he is to dedicating himself to Lenten self-denial and, as of Fat Tuesday, gave up alcohol until Easter. Its really more of a personal challenge for him than an outright religious conviction but I think it’s a great thing to do and has got me about thinking about what I could do (or not do) as well. Not drinking for a set period of time was something that had been on Dan’s heart for awhile, but it wouldn’t be the same thing for me necessarily.

After some soul-searching (as hokey as that sounds), I knew what I needed to do. During my current season of, sometimes intense, despair due to being unemployed (and, apparently, thanks to the economy, unemployable), it has been difficult for me to rejoice, like, at all. Losing my job and being so discouraged is a great big, nasty black cloud that has threatened to over-shadow every other part of my extremely blessed life. I do try to be grateful, but always go back to moaning that “I can’t find a new job, my law degree is useless and my life is going nowhere, boo hoo, wahh wahhh” almost immediately.

So my challenge is this: to write down five things each day that I am grateful for and, if possible, to journal at length about each, to really ponder the significance and impact of whatever it is. Also, the list has to be different day to day –to avoid just writing down “Dan” and “Flutie” everyday, although each certainly will make the list at some point. I realize its not exactly really a Lent "sacrifice" per se but I’m not really a Catholic, so I think its fair. It’s more of an excuse to participate in a spiritually-focused exercise that I might not do otherwise. And since Dan is doing something, I think it will be good for us to each do our things together, yet separate, for this fixed period of time.

I am keeping a hand-written, private Gratitude Journal, but will post my five daily things on here as much as possible. A big reason that I don’t blog as often as I could or would like to these days to is because much of what I might write would be focused on the negative. I figure that “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all” applies to internet as well -- and who wants to read the thoughts of a depressed, unemployed lawyer? Not even me. This will be a way I can share my life and thoughts with you (my ten or so readers) while staying focused on what is good and happy and fortunate.

Because this post is already so long, I won’t post my five things for today. But I can tell you the today's list did not include the hour I spent shoveling the car out of a four foot high snow bank (in March!) or the quart of milk that burst all over me, the floor and all of creation while unloading groceries or the hole that Flutie chewed into a brand new throw-blanket. See? That’s the kind of focus on negativity you won’t have to endure here … at least until Easter.