This time's the charm?

Starting tomorrow, I'm starting again. My alarm is set for 5:20am, my clothes are laid out, my bag is packed, the bus arrives at 5:45am sharp because at 6:15am I have a date with yoga. Not just any yoga, hot yoga.

Many times have I started a "new" early morning work-out regiment. Many times have I turned off the alarm and rolled back to sleep. I so long to be one of those people who gets up and moving in the pre-dawn hours. But I have never, as in not even once, managed to stick with it long-term. A solid couple of weeks is the longest I've made it before cracking and giving up - often precipitated by the on-set of winter, because being exhausted and freezing cold proves a potion too strong, at least for this mortal. For me, it is an ever-allusive lifestyle adjustment.

That doesn't mean that I do not exercise. I do, with genuine regularity, just not pre-anything in the morning. Back in June, we purchased an elliptical machine for our home - a long-time wish of mine. We were able to find a good-quality, gently-used model at a great price on, where else, Craigslist. If we have it (and use it, which we do) even one year, it will have paid for itself in gym-fee savings and we'll surely have it many years. It has proven to be a solid investment and I love it. But I know I need more. I don't feel calm or strong or stretched out, ever, no matter hard I push myself on the elliptical. It's great cardio, but not enough.

Years ago, back in California, I had a brief love affair with pilates one summer (remember, Sam? At the Redlands YMCA? With your dad? Dang, I miss that). Tried a few yoga classes as well, but didn't stick with it after I moved out East - no classes nearby (or reasonably accessible for someone without a car) and too expensive on a student's budget. I've had it on my mind for awhile that pilates or yoga would be especially good for me right now. To be frank, I've been a great big ball of stress and nerves of late.

This weekend I finally got around to searching for a convenient studio and, it turns out, there is a yoga studio just one block from my office (and, importantly, there is a shower I can use at my office). It was hidden on a side street and I never knew it was there. The catch: the only class that will work with my unpredictable work schedule (and dog mothering responsibilities) is at 6:15am, three days a week. Oh dear. I really, really want to try this out and for it to be exactly what I need to lift my body and spirit out of a rut. I really, really do not want past failure to be a predictor of future success.

Let's face it, I'm not going to build Rome in a day. I'm going to start my goals small, as in day-by-day, and build from there. Tomorrow morning I am going to get up at 5:20, fumble to dress myself in the dark, stumble to the bus in the chilling cold and walk through the just-stirring city to be the worst, beginning yoga-er in the class. If I can do that, I will be proud of myself. It will be a success. And if the yoga seems like it might work for me? Then on to the next goal, the next day, the next class. One dark, freezing morning at a time. I am not going to promise that this is going to become my new life, or set any expectations that I'll be an early morning advanced yogi before you can say "5am wake up call". Just that tomorrow morning I am going to give it a shot. And build from there - and not tell myself that I can't do it just because I never have before. Because: what if I can?