Obla-dee, Obla-dah

Admittedly, I’ve been in a bit of an existential funk lately. The thing about feeling blue is that, besides being rather unbecoming, its incredibly boring. One unexpected consequence of this bout with the “blahs” is that its rendered me more grateful than I have been in awhile. For every thing I want to complain about there are twice as many that I can immediately be content with. Call it “poor little rich girl” syndrome. It doesn’t mean that my exhaustion and loneliness and feelings of inadequacy aren’t real or that I don’t have the “right” to feel how I want to feel, but that’s all they are - just feelings - with a little bit of reality mixed in, sure. But mostly not as I bad I think they are.

Some of this stems from the continued growing pains of one very rambunctious, possibly learning impaired, puppy named Flutie. In dog years, right now he’s a pre-teen; a “tween” if you will. And, boy, does he ever act like it. Yet, even humans of the equivalent age know not to pee all over floor by now. I’m starting to think he is never going to be house-broken. He goes “potty” on command, in the same spot, on every trip outside and has never once dared to soil his crate. Good on him. Despite these accomplishments, Flutie has not put it together that urinating on the outside means not doing it on the inside.

The most frustrating thing is that we can’t catch him in the act, so its very hard to discourage his behaviour. There’s no circling or sniffing or fanfare, he’ll just kind of let it slip while he’s playing or walking around. I’ve taken to calling him the Phantom Pisser. Last weekend, he peed on the rug right in front of me and I didn't see until it was too late. I’ve called the vet to be sure he doesn’t have a UTI of some sort and they assured me that wasn’t the case. None of the doggie books I’ve read have offered any helpful advice for our situation, they all assume we should be catching him because he will make the “tell tale signs” of imminent bathroomage. Which he doesn't, so not very helpful. Any advice? Is this something he might grow out of or that neutering might fix?

Speaking of, uhh, being fixed, Flutie can kiss his balls “bye bye” in a matter of weeks. Really, not a moment too soon. On Saturday night he had his “first time” with a fine lady Pug at a friend’s house. Oh my gracious, the horror! I know its natural and innocent for dogs, but he’s our little baby and watching him mount up and get jiggy for the first time was more than a little uncomfortable. It is most definitely time for some good old fashioned canine castration.

Everyone says puppies are a lot of work, but lots of people have dogs and I never expected him to be so, so time consuming. What meager semblance of a social life I had before the doggle (as I call him) has been virtually eradicated since bringing Flutie home. Since he can only be left at home alone if he's in his crate, I feel badly being gone for very long, especially since we crate him all day while we’re at work (with two walks a day from a dog walker and don’t even get me started on that disaster). Any non-work time is almost strictly devoted to Flutie. Not going out to dinner or drinks or movies with friends or each other. That’s how it should be, I know. We made the commitment to bring him into our family and care for him, so I shouldn’t be complaining now that he drains all my time and energy. But I’ve never felt so old. This is what I imagined children being like and I did not want children yet. I thought I could get a dog and still be young and carefree.

Finally, aside from Flutie, we are closing on our new condo this coming Tuesday. In a matter of days we'll be home-owners! It’s really exciting, but has brought all of the predicable stresses along with it. As I'm sure we all know, moving is the biggest pain in the ass ever. Now that I’m a married household of two, its unbelievable how much stuff there is. But we’ll get it done and, really, I am so excited. It’s going to be a great thing for us, especially Flutie. He gets a fenced in yard, more room inside to roam (and pee) and a better neighborhood for long walks. We’ll miss being so close to the Common, but there will be new parks to explore.

There’s a lot going on: moving, dog, work and attempting to stay connected to friends and family, most of whom are much too far away. But there are really big, great things on my horizon and in the present. Now of all times, when I’m more discouraged than I’ve felt in a long while, it helps not just to know that in my head, but to really, truly believe it in my heart. I have a lot of ego to let go of but it falls away much more easily during these hard times and will ultimately release me into a fresh new season. Full of, I hope, perspective and new-found humility. Oh yeah, and also maybe a house-broken dog.