Indefinite Snow Day

At the moment, I am sitting on the couch with Flutie, enjoying an ice cold bottle of Long Trail while my collection of most favorite, most cheesy Christian music plays on shuffle. Poor Dan, he will never comprehend his wife’s affinity for “bad” Christian “rock”. It is the great divide in our marriage.

But! He is not home from work yet, so I have the volume turned up to an ironically ungodly level. It soothes me, the comfort of guitar chords and lyrics that assure me that God is there and He is good, that I am not alone and I can still rejoice. So I am enjoying my beer and my tunes and my spiritual hug and also watching the snow fall outside.

There is moderate-strength blizzard swirling around out there right now. Most schools were canceled this morning, a lot of office buildings shut down early so commuters could start making their way home safely before dark and the snow started accumulating up and over all of the highways. My best friend, Chloe, who just moved to Boston from California, texted me this morning to express her excitement over her very first “snow day” off of school (she’s a teacher).

I also got to stay home today, but it wasn’t a snow day for me.

Yesterday, I was laid off. My “snow day” will last … indefinitely.

Was there grace and courage? I don’t know. I hope so. I certainly tried to hold my head up, but there were tears I couldn’t hide.

But it doesn’t matter now, what matters is what is next, and what is next remains a mystery – and likely will for an indeterminately long time. It is the worst time in American history to be a lawyer out of work and looking for a job. I have a $150,000 law degree and no where to be a lawyer. To say I am terrified would be an understatement.

I think I’m still in shock. I mean, it has hit me in the sense that I’ve been through the entire gauntlet of emotions in the last 24 hours. I am certainly feeling things, lots of emotiony emotions, usually ten or so at once. As day after day goes by that I wake up with no where to go this will start to feel more and more painfully real, the emptiness and loss is sure to set in slowly then linger. It’s the holidays so I will be blessedly distracted for the next week or two with traveling and family.

Merry freaking Christmas, right?

I cannot believe that I have become a statistic. Just another victim of an economy in free-fall. I know it sounds trite, especially at a time like this, but I am holding on more tightly than ever to my blessings. I am outrageously fortunate to have a husband with a (knock-on-wood) solid job. We not only have health insurance, but are in excellent health. We are in love and took vows "for better or worse". We meant them. We are going to be okay. I am going to be okay.

Today I just kept very busy. Walked Flutie to the dog park early this morning before the snow hit to get his wiggles out and try to stave off blizzard-induced cabin fever. Baked egg nog cookies and tied them up into a pretty package with a card for our neighbors. Cleaned the house top to bottom, I scrubbed corners of this house that haven’t been touched since we moved in. Dinner is ready on the stove (Mmmm, chicken tikka masala and curried potatoes – perfect for a winter’s night), and we’re having friends over for dessert and drinks in a bit. I am creating lists of things I can do every day to keep myself from going batty and/or wallowing in my weepy unemployed terror – you know, other than the obvious: finding a new damn job!

If you are so inclined, prayers are welcome and appreciated more than you can know.