It's almost unimaginable to me that today you're four years old. Since I left your charge to start a life far, far away its as if you're frozen in time in my mind's eye. I've visited you now and again, though not as often as I'd like. Your and your baby sister's photo in the most recent year's Channukah greeting will stay up on my fridge all year long, putting a smile on my face every time I reach in for the milk. Yet to me, you forever remain the infant darling who rescued my heart and reminded me to smile when I needed it, looking back, even more than I realized.
Sure, there were plenty of tears and tantrums, teething and boo-boos and more Baby Einstein than any mortal should bear. We laughed, you cried, Cheerios were thrown, and hairs were grayed. But you made waking up early every day just to be your nanny the best thing going. Those 15 months in Los Angeles were among the most bare and uncertain of my entire life, but you were my constant little companion. In a lot of bleakness, seeing your gummy smile and sharing in your littlest, daily accomplishments made me feel so much less alone. Even though I was taking care of you, the arrangement became mutual. I may have made a salary, but there is no way I can repay you and your parents for how much I got from being a teeny-tiny, reliable part of your family.
As much as I needed to leave for Boston, to get on with my life in a new, better space, such a big part of me never wanted to leave you, wished I could be there when Juliette arrived 6 months later to see how much she'd be like her big sister, how different and special she'd be on her own. Occasionally, I still dream at night that we're taking a long walk around Cheviot Hills, or off to Gymboree, or just reading "Yum Yum Dim Sum" for the 1,003rd time. They're bittersweet dreams; half-nightmare to miss you so much but mostly joyous to have such sweet memories haunting me at all. Selfishly, I'm sad that you won't remember our days together and how many hours you slept drooling on my shouldar. But you were just a baby, and I was just your nanny. That's enough for me.
Happy, joyous birthday to you, sweetest Isabelle. Four big-years-old and still the most brainy, beautiful kid around. But most of all, Thank You. Because of you, I'm not just a more patient, loving person but will also be a more well-rounded lawyer and maybe, one day, a better mother to children its hard to believe I'll love as much, even more, than you.Love,
Nanny C.
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