Chew On This!

I’ve been sitting on this for awhile now, and its been filed away under “Things I Wanted to Blog About But For the Test That Dare Not Speak It’s Name”. Then there was this from Annie and I knew that the world needed to hear the good news -- the good news of a new gum. And not just any any gum, but an "energy" gum! A gum so deliciously loaded with caffeine that I seriously can't believe this hasn't happened already (and if it has, where the heck has it been in my life?).

BEHOLD!

It is dual layers of awesome, both sponsored by "24" and "powered by" Jolt Cola (a.k.a. the coffee of my youth). And let’s get real: if it is good enough for Jack Bauer, it is already way too good for me.

As someone who, under normal circumstances, aims to consume roughly double the amount of caffeine per day that most physicians would consider “healthy” this product could not have come at a better time. Because these were not normal circumstances, but the month of the single most important test of my life. Nothing short of near-lethal quantities of legal stimulants would suffice to carry me through the hours upon hours of tediously memorizing the FRCP that lay ahead of me. And lets be honest, how many friggin’ quadruple foamy skim lattes can a girl ingest without ending up farty and bloated? A gum is the perfect solution, by simultaneously taming my coffee-breath with a cool minty blast without harshing my buzz, and actually amplifying it!

But before you go getting any crazy ideas, the makers of Jolt Energy Gum (on advice, surely, from their lawyers) provide a very somber warning to us all on the back of the package, in teeny tiny print:
Phew! Thank god for that! I almost put a whole pack in my mouth around midnight expecting it to take me on through sunrise unscathed. I mean, isn't that what Jack Bauer would do? But then again, he surely needs no gum for that.